Philip, at Jerusalem,
had a vision of Jesus,
who commanded him to go
|
Downtown Jerusalem.
Philip is in the bat cave
awaiting the Bat Signal...
Suddenly the message comes through.
We are given the
impression that
Philip is routinely
given commands
in visions.
What's the mission
this time?
Where now?
Philip is a bot.
|
to the city of Carthage,
' which is in Azotus ',
|
The Romans totally destroyed
Carthage 146 BCE - it appears
to be up the other end
of the Mediteranean from Azotas,
associated with an ancient
Philistine city either
Gaza or Ashod.
The directions are conflicting.
And what is the
mission this time?
|
and drive out
the ruler of Satan,
and preach the kingdom.
|
Typical.
But with a slight twist. The mission is
not to drive out Satan, but to drive out
the ruler of Satan.
The Christian Mob are moving into town.
They want the business.
Time to get rid of the competition.
But what is Philip's response?
Does he present as an intelligent person?
Does he have drive, ambition, enthusiam?
What will he say to Jesus?
What are his first words?
|
He said:
I know not Latin or Greek,
and the people there
do not know Aramaic.
Philip could not speak Greek!
Philip could not speak Latin!
Philip was totally illiterate !!
The disciples spoke in toungues.
|
Jesus said:
Did I not create Adam
and give him speech?
Go, and I will be with thee.
|
Jesus said
"You imbecile!"
Move out!
|
He went to Samaria,
thence to Caesarea,
and to the harbour
and found a ship waiting
for a wind.
Asked to take
Philip to Carthage,
the captain said:
Do not annoy me,
| How annoying was Philip?
|
we have waited twenty days:
fetch your baggage
and perhaps we shall get a wind,
for you look like a servant of God.
Philip:
I have none;
tell the passengers
to come on board . . . .
| Did Philip have baggage?
Why did Philip look like a servant of God?
When Philip says "I have none" does he mean servants?
Why does Philip ask the captain to order
the passengers to come on board?
Do you think he will order them off the boat
as well?
|
Let us pray for a fair wind.
Turning to the west
he commanded the angel of peace
who has charm of fair winds
to send a wind to take him
to Carthage in a single day.
| Why is Philip's prayer "a command"?
Why did he turn to the west for a wind to
take him to Carthage, a thousand miles to
the west, when such wind must come
from the east?
Why did he command an angel of peace for a wind,
since winds do not arise from peace?
Why an angel who has charm of fair winds,
when the wind required to get in one day
a distance of a thousand miles requires
a veritable hurricane.
Notably, nothing happens immediately.
|
On board was a Jew, Ananias,
who blasphemed (sotto voice, it seems)
and said:
May Adonai
recompense thee,
and the Christ
on whom thou callest,
who is become dust
and lies in Jerusalem,
while thou livest and leadest
ignorant men astray
by his name.
A wind came and filled the sail.
| The sotto voiced blasphemy of Ananias
immediately filled the sails. The wind was
rushing east to west at perhaps hundreds of miles
per hour - pointing directly at Carthage.
|
The Jew rose to help
to hoist the sail,
| The Jew was motivated by a desire to
assist the good of the ship's company
and to help hoist the sail with the
arrival of the wind.
|
and an angel bound him
by the great toes
and hung him head down
on the top of the sail.
| A presumably christian angel
(summoned by Philip) binds him
by his toes to the top of the sail.
The Christian angel does not like
the occurrence of blasphemy. Speaking
against christianity was punishable.
The christian angels were enforcers
of the punishment of the crime
of blasphemy. The Jews suffered
for their obstinate denial of
the historicity of christ.
|
The ship flew onward
and the Jew cried out.
Philip said:
You shall not come down
till you confess.
| The Acts of Philip are a joke on Philip.
Philip has a mission for confessions.
Even from Jews bound by angels and
hanging by their toes
from the top of the sails.
|
He confessed his secret blasphemy.
Philip:
Dost thou now believe?
Ananias confessed belief
in a speech in which
he enumerated Christ's
(God's) mighty acts
from creation to
the deliverance of Susanna.
| Notably, the history of Ananias
stops well short of the purported
life of Jesus Christ, about whom
Philip seeks confession.
But we know Philip is illiterate.
Will Philip notice that the history
given does not include Jesus Christ?
|
Philip asked
that he might be pardoned,
and the angel brought him down.
| Philip bought the speech, even though
Anianas history fell short of the life of the
purported Jesus Christ by many centuries.
Philip asks that the Jew be pardoned for his blasphemy,
even though the Jew has not confessed anything
about the first century history.
Philip is stupid.
The agressive Christian angel unbinds his victim.
|
And the 495 men on the ship feared.
| Such great stupidity! Such great power!
|
They looked up
and saw the pharos of Carthage,
and said; Can this be true?
| One thousand miles in a day ...
|
O fools, said Ananias,
did ye not see what befell me for unbelief?
If he commands that city in Christ's name,
it will take all its inhabitants
and go and stop in Egypt.
| Ananias had already suffered at the hands
of the aggressive Christian angel, and had felt
its power. He displays fore-knowledge of the
narrative.
|
The ship came into harbour.
Philip dismissed the passengers,
and stayed on board
to confirm the captain.
| Philip dismisses the 495 men and
all the other passengers who had booked
their fare on this boat from Caesarea to Carthage.
What an annoying habit!
I wonder how the captain took to
his confirming. Would he say, for
a second time, to Philip ..
Do not annoy me
|
On the Sunday
he went up to the city
to drive out Satan,
and as he entered the gates,
signed himself with the cross.
| Not only is Philip inept, illiterate and stupid,
he is also very superstitious.
|
He saw a black man on a throne
with two serpents about his loins,
and eyes like coals of fire,
and flame coming from his mouth,
there was a smell of smoke,
and black men in troops
were on his right and left.
| What opposition is this?
Will Philip prevail against
such darstedly odds? Stay
tuned for the answer ...
|
When Philip crossed himself
the ruler fell backward
and all his troops.
| Oh how cool is that!
| Philip said:
Fall, and rise not . . . .
| Philip says fall after the ruler had fell.
Is Philip speaking in Aramaic? Does
the ruler understand his language?
|
The ruler said:
Why curse me?
| Such is the power of "crossing yourself".
But did the ruler understand Philip's words?
Philip was not speaking Latin or Greek.
He was an annoying inept imbecile.
|
I do not abide here,
but my troops
wander over the earth
and come to me
at the third hour of the day,
but they do not touch
a disciple of Jesus.
Woe is me!
whither can I go?
In all the four quarters
of the world
his gospel is preached.
I am completely overthrown.
| Oh the power of the Christian gospel!
The ruler of Satan in Cartage
has been overthrown. Time for
Christianity to move in the business
for itself...
|
The whole city heard him,
but saw him not.
Philip bade him go,
and he took his throne
and his troops and flew away
bewailing till they came to Babel,
and he settled there.
| Just as non-christian Annias had predicted.
|
The whole city was in fear
and Philip bade them leave
their idols and turn to God,
| Now that Philip had driven out the
ruler of Satan (at Carthage) the city
was his. He could now preach
Christianity.
|
They praised God, and Philip
went back to the ship.
| He did nothing to alay their fears.
He performed no healing of the sick.
He did not offer any comfort to the poor.
He did not take any interest in the people.
He simply went back to the ship.
|
On the Sabbath the Jews assembled
in their synagogue and summoned Ananias,
and asked if his adventures were true.
| They must have heard about the enormous wind,
and the fact that he was bound by an aggressive
christian angel, by his toes, to the top of the
sail, and that he had caused the wind to blow
by his sotto voiced blasphemy.
They were a curious crew in that synogogue.
|
He signed himself with the cross and said:
It is true, and God forbid
I should renounce Jesus the Christ.
| Ananias had had the wind put up him
by an agressive Christian angel. How
would you like to be tied to the top
of the sail in a hundred mile an hour
cyclone?
|
He then addressed them
in a long and very abusive speech
(modelled more or less
on that of Stephen),
enumerating all their wicked acts.
| Stephen didn't like the Jews?
|
Then arose Joshua, the son of Nun,
and ye sought to kill him
with deadly poison . . . .
Isaiah the prophet,
and ye sawed him
with a saw of boxwood . . .
Ezekiel, and ye dragged him
by his feet until his brains
were dashed out . . . .
Habakkuk, and through your sins
he went astray from
his prophetic office.'
| The fate of the Jewish elders is
gradually extended to ridiculous lengths ...
We are building into a climax.
Notably again ... Ananias does not
get to the enumeration of Jewish history
relevant to the New Testament Jesus.
|
His face was
like an angel.
| The climax of the Christian faithful:
a jewish martry of christ standing in the
jewish synogogue, angelic ...
Oh my goodness! How fucking cool!
|
A priest arose
and kicked him,
and he died,
and they buried him
in the synagogue.
| Oh My God !!!! They did what
to this poor innocent angelic man?
What a fucking joke!
Kung Fu in the synogogue?
What sort of martial artist priest was this?
And why in heavens name would a synogogue
full of Jews bury an unknown man, possibly
a heretic, and possibly a convert to christianity,
in their holy synogogue, or anywhere on its grounds?
|
Next day Philip in the ship prayed
and asked that Ananias
might be delivered from the Jews.
| Philip might have been thinking he was too light
on Ananias, in accepting a history of confession of
Jesus only up until the time of Susanna. He wanted
to make sure he understood that Ananias was converted.
|
God commanded the earth
and it gave a passage
like a water-pipe,
and conveyed Ananias
to the bottom of the sea,
and a dolphin bore up the body.
Philip saw it,
and after reassuring the people,
bade it take the body back
till he should go
and convict the murderers.
| So a water-pipe was created between the
synagogue and the ocean, and a dolphin
brings Anianias' body to Philip.
The people were worried when they saw it.
Philip and the aggressive christian angel
had been beating up Anianas on the boat
because of his sotto voiced blashemy. He
assured them he would find the real murderers.
|
Next day Philip went to the governor
and got him to assemble all the Jews,
and sit in judgement.
Philip,
to the Jews:
Where is Ananias?
They:
Are we his keeper?
| Why does Philip hang around a day and do nothing?
The next day is Philip annoying the governor? Is Philip annoying the Jews?
Is Philip annoying Ananias?
|
Philip:
Well are you called
children of Cain, for, &c.
Tell me where he is,
and I will ask pardon for you.
Jews:
We have said we do not know.
Philip:
Do not lie.
Jews: If the spirit were in you,
you would know that we do not lie.
| Is Philip annoying the governor? Is Philip annoying the Jews?
Is Philip annoying Ananias?
|
Philip: If he is found with you,
what do you deserve?
Jews:
Death from God and Caesar.
Philip:
Swear to me.
They swore they knew nothing.
|
Is Philip annoying the governor? Is Philip annoying the Jews?
Is Philip annoying Ananias?
As if the Jews would opt for Death from Caesar and Caesar's God!
What a joke! What drama and dialog! As
if they would swear to an inept illiterate
and stupid person such as Philip.
|
He looked and saw a man
leading a sick ox to sell.
He said to it:
I command thee,
go to the synagogue
and call Ananias to rise
and come and put
these men to shame.
| Another command by Philip!
Philip is about to resurrect Ananias
via the call of a sick ox
from his place in a synogogue
where he was buried
after being kicked
by a priest.
|
The ox dragged his owner along
and ran and called Ananias.
| How annoying that would have been for the owner
of the ox. Is it safe to be dragged along the
streets of a city by a sick ox under command of
the power of the christian apostle Philip?
|
He rose and laid hold of the ox
with his right hand,
and they came to Philip
and prostrated themselves.
| Prostration to christian dignatories is acceptable in parody.
The first Christian dignatory was Constantine. Everyone
prostrated to Constantine. See the multiple prostrations
to Lithargoel in The Acts of Peter
and the Twelve Apostles, NHC 6.1.
|
Philip said:
Whence comest thou?
Ananias said:
From the synagogue
of these Jews,
who murdered me
for confessing Jesus:
do me justice.
Philip:
The Lord has commanded us
not to render evil for evil.
| Philip asks another question.
A sick ox brings the dead Jew to the stand.
The dead Jew implicates the Jews in his murder.
Philip remembers his commands.
Philip is an inept, illiterate bot.
|
The ox said:
Order me and I will kill
these men with my horns.
Philip:
Hurt no man, but go
and serve thy master,
and the Lord will heal thee.
They went home in peace.
|
Philip distinguishes between the Lord
and the master of the sick speaking ox.
|
The governor said:
These Jews deserve death.
Philip:
I am not come to kill
but to give life.
The Jews' mouths
were closed.
| The Jews were silenced.
|
Ananias spoke to the Jews
and Philip also:
but they did not ask pardon,
so they were cast out.
| Hence the importance of apologetics.
Asking pardon is an important thing.
If one does not ask pardon, one is cast out.
How quaint a custom is this?
But Philip had no control over the
christian angel.
|
Three thousand Gentiles
and fifteen hundred Jews believed;
the unbelievers left the city,
and before sunset an angel
slew forty of the Jewish priests
for shedding innocent blood:
and all who saw it
confessed and worshipped.
| People were impressed with the
aggressive Christian angel slaying
of forty priests. On the basis of this
aggressive blood-thirsty revenge killings
by the christian angel, people were
converted to christianity.
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