A Fourth Century Parody
The Non-Canonical "Act of Peter" (Coptic)
Web Publication by Mountain Man Graphics, Australia

The Coptic Parody that is known as the "The Act of Peter"

Acts of Peter
From "The Apocryphal New Testament"
M.R. James-Translation and Notes
Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1924

THE COPTIC FRAGMENT

This is preserved separately in an early papyrus manuscript 
(fourth-fifth century) now at Berlin; the other contents of it 
are Gnostic writings which have not yet been published. 
I follow C. Schmidt's rendering of it. 
It has a title at the end: 

The Act of Peter

On the first day of the week, 
that is, on the Lord's day, 
a multitude gathered together, 
and they brought unto Peter 
many sick that he might heal them. 

Is the Lord's Day the first day or the seventh day?

And one of the multitude adventured 
to say unto Peter: Lo, Peter, 
in our presence thou hast made 
many blind to see and the deaf to hear 
and the lame to walk, and hast succoured 
the weak and given them strength: 
but wherefore hast thou not succoured 
thy daughter, the virgin, 
which grew up beautiful 
and hath believed in the name of God? 

Peter heals the sick left, right and center.
But we are told his beautiful daughter, who believes in god, is sick.
Why hasn't Peter healed his own daughter?

For behold, her one side is wholly palsied, 
and she lieth there stretched out in the corner helpless. 
We see them that have been healed by thee: 
thine own daughter thou hast neglected. 

Peter's daughter is stretch out int he corner helpless.
She has one side of her body palsied.
Peter is seen to have neglected the healing of his own daughter.
Why has he not healed his own daughter?
He has healed thousands and millions - he is popular.
But why has he not healed his own daughter?

But Peter smiled and said unto him: 
My son, it is manifest unto God alone 
wherefore her body is not whole. 

Know then that God is not weak nor powerless 
to grant his gift unto my daughter: 
but that thy soul may be convinced, 
and they that are here present may the more believe -
then he looked unto his daughter and said to her: 
Raise thyself up from thy place, 
without any helping thee save Jesus only, 
and walk whole before all these, 
and come unto me. 

And she arose and came to him; 
and the multitude rejoiced at that 
which was come to pass. 
Then said Peter unto them: 
Behold, your heart is convinced 
that God is not without strength 
concerning all things that we ask of him. 

Peter asks his daughter to rise and walk.
She rises and walks around a bit.

Then they rejoiced yet more and praised God. 
And Peter said to his daughter: 
Go unto thy place, and lay thee down 
and be again in thine infirmity, 
for this is expedient for me and for thee. 

The common people rejoiced over this sight.
But Peter asks his daughter to return to her infirmity.
Peter says that it is expedient for himself and his daughter.
Effectively, it is more expedient that she remain infirm.

And the maiden went back and lay down 
in her place and was as beforetime: 
and the whole multitude wept, 
and entreated Peter to make her whole. 

Peter's daughter returns to her infirmity.
The crowd is not longer rejoicing.
The crowd is now weeping.
How sad!
The crowd empathises with the plight of Peter's daughter.
The crowd asks Peter to make, and leave her whole

But Peter said unto them: 
As the Lord liveth, 
this is expedient 
for her and for me. 

Peter repeats for the second time he will not.
He states that it is expedient that she remain infirm.
He swears by the "Lord that Liveth" it is expedient this way.
Expedient for Peter, and for his daughter.
The crowd is probably wondering why ...

For on the day when she was born unto me 
I saw a vision, and the Lord said unto me: 
Peter, this day is a great temptation born unto thee, 
for this daughter will bring hurt unto many souls 
if her body continue whole. 
But I thought that the vision did mock me. 

Peter explains he had a vision at his daughter's birth.
In this vision Peter's Lord spoke to him.
The Lord said that Peter's daughter will bring hurt
to many souls if her body continues whole.
Peter thought his Lord was mocking him.

Now when the maiden was ten years old, 
a stumbling-block was prepared for many by reason of her. 
And an exceeding rich man, by name Ptolemaeus, 
when he had seen the maiden with her mother bathing, 
sent unto her to take her to wife; 
but her mother consented not. 

And he sent oft-times to her, and could not wait. 

    [Here a leaf is lost: the sense, however, 
    is not hard to supply. Augustine speaks 
    (quoting Apocryphal Acts) of a daughter 
    of Peter struck with palsy at the prayer 
    of her father. 

    Ptolemaeus, unable to win the maiden by fair means, 
    comes and carries her off. Peter hears of it and 
    prays God to protect her. His prayer is heard. 
    She is struck with palsy on one side of her body. 
    Then the text resumes.] 


The servants of Ptolemaeus brought the maiden 
and laid her down before the door 
of the house and departed. 

The narrative is fragmentary.
The translator tells us the story.
Ptolemaeus carries Peter's daughter off.
Peter hears of it and prays God to protect her.
His prayer is heard by Peter's God.
God strikes her with palsy on one side of her body.
Servants of Ptolemaeus return Peter's daughter.

Just to recap.
Peter prays to his God to protect her from harm.
Peter's God strikes her down with the debilitating palsy.
How is this going to help?
Well ... so she cannot make love.

But when I perceived it, I and her mother, 
we went down and found the maiden, 
that one whole side of her body 
from her toes even to her head 
was palsied and withered: 
and we bore her away, praising the Lord 
which had preserved his handmaid 
from defilement and shame and (corruption?). 

This is the cause of the matter, 
why the maiden continueth so 
unto this day. 

Peter tells us that his daughter was found.
He and her mother found her with palsy sickness.
The palsy had effected one side of her body, from head to toe.
However he and the mother praised his Lord!
Their inspection had revealed her to be still a virgin.
She had not been defiled by a rich lover.
They praised God that she was preserved from defilement of a lover.
They accepted, for some reason, the defilement of an illness.
The narrative then describes the end of the lover ...
We have no explanation as to why Peter does not heal his daughter.

Now, then, it is fitting for you 
to know the end of Ptolemaeus. 
He went home and sorrowed night and day 
over that which had befallen him, 
and by reason of the many tears 
which he shed, he became blind. 

And when he had resolved to rise up 
and hang himself, lo, about the ninth hour 
of the day, he saw a great light 
which enlightened the whole house, 
and heard a voice saying unto him:
 
Ptolemaeus, God hath not given thee 
the vessels for corruption and shame, 
and yet more doth it not become thee 
which hast believed in me to defile my virgin, 
whom thou shalt know as thy sister, 
even as if I were unto you both one spirit (sic). 
But rise up and go quickly unto the house 
of the apostle Peter, and thou shalt see 
my glory; he shall make known unto thee 
what thou must do. 

But Ptolemaeus was not negligent, 
and bade his servants show him the way 
and bring him unto me. 
And when they were come to me, 
he told me all that had befallen him 
by the power of our Lord Jesus Christ. 
Then did he see with the eyes of his flesh, 
and with the eyes of his soul, 
and much people believed (hoped) in Christ: 
and he did them good 
and gave them the gift of God. 

Thereafter Ptolemaeus died, 
departing out of this life, 
and went unto his Lord: 
and when he made his will 
he bequeathed a piece of land 
in the name of my daughter, 
because through her 
he had believed in God 
and was made whole. 

This section describes the the end of Ptolemaeus.
A summary of the end of Ptolemaeus is as follows:
1) He cried until he became blind.
2) He was about to hang himself when he had a vision.
3) The vision said for him to go to Peter's house.
4) He gets assistance and travels to Peter's house.
5) There he sees again, and became a good person.
6) Peter tells us that Ptolemaeus then died.
7) But not before leaving Peter's daughter a block of land.
8) Peter says he made this legacy because he was healed.
9) this still does not explain why Peter does not heal his daughter.

But I unto whom the disposition thereof fell, 
exercised it with great carefulness: 
I sold the land, and God alone knoweth 
neither I nor my daughter (received the price). 

I sold the land and kept nought back of the price, 
but gave all the money unto the poor.

But Peter then reveals he was his daughters legal agent.
That in fact, Peter sold the land bequeathed to his daughter.
And when he received the price, he gave the money to the poor.
But this still does not explain why Peter does not heal his daughter.

Know therefore, thou servant of Jesus Christ, 
that God directeth (?) them that are his, 
and prepareth good for every one of them, 
although we think that God hath forgotten us. 

Peter finishes up with a reminder about looking after everyone.
He says that servants of Jesus have good prepared for them.
Even if the servants think that they are forgotten.
Peter remains oblivious to his daughter's condition.
Peter has remembered the servants of Jesus.
But he has forgotten his own daughter, who believes in God.

Therefore now, brethren, let us be sorrowful 
and watch and pray, and so shall the goodness 
of God look upon us, whereon we wait. 

He instructs the brethren to be sorrowful.
He prays for the goodness of God, and waits for it.
He is totally forgetful of his own daughter's condition.

And yet further discourse 
did Peter hold before them all, 
and glorified the name of Christ the Lord 
and gave them all of the bread: 
and when he had distributed it, 
he rose up and went unto his house. 

Peter rises and goes into his house.
Leaving his palsied daughter outside,
curled up in the corner -- and forgotten.
What sort of man is this apostle Peter?

The fourth century author of this "Act of Peter" is a parodist.
The head of the "christian apostles" is depicted as demented.
He heals the multitude but keeps his daughter in her infirmity.
He has forgotten that his daughter has a life.
He is concerned with the ministry of healing.
But he forgets his own daughter.
Peter will not permit his daughter to heal and love life ...
He has some deep psychological problem.

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